The Bachelor Party Commandments - Your Guide to No Regret

by Chris Bajda May 20, 2013

What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas:  How far you can go? 


The bachelor party often said to be the last true days as a free man.  Given the popularity of the Hangover movies, it’s clear to what the Bachelor Party means in today’s pop culture.  Bachelor parties can go in many directions depending on group wavelength of your groomsmen and the table setting starts early. From a tame get together with friends to exchange a few gifts and hang out, to a once in a life time party that you and the guys will never forget.

While I don’t think any of us plan on getting our faces tattooed, many excited first timers do wonder “what happening and staying in Vegas” really means.  The phrase itself is really just a metaphor to general bro code.  I thought it worthwhile to develop some guidelines around mutually acceptable activities within the rights of that code.  The come off may be a tad edgy, but otherwise what fun could we really have with this?  All is balanced off with the moral fiber ingrained via many years of Catholic school. 

Totally Game - Making Out With a Random Girl

Making out with a random girl.  This is your last day as a free man, isn’t it?  It’s one last time to really get that ego stroked.  Afterwards, the line is drawn at flirting, which is just so restricting.  This practice is what many vets like to call “catch and release”, a wonderful bass fishing analogy which suggests that it’s more about the sport than it is about the kill.  It’s the seduction of the chase, out there on that dance floor at 3am eyeballing the hottie still able to stand, putting out your yeti mating call – that’s 90% of the fun.  Seeing it through to some good ol’ tongue wrestling should be enough satisfaction that you are one fine hunter.  


Marginally Acceptable(The gray area) - Taking Girls Back To You and Your Groomsmen's Room

Taking that girl back to the room.  The problem is simply that most guys won’t have the will power to stop there.  Vegas is kryptonite to will power.  The first step to hedge against all loss thereof is just not putting you in a place where it can be challenged too easy.  While it may seem fun to continue the early stages of the mating ritual in privacy, most of us know that you’ll start thinking with your boner at this point.   There is no room for boners in bass fishing. 


Over the Line(Forbidden in the bro code Ten Commandments) - Anything That Might Allow You to Get an STD

Well, not sure there is much explanation needed on this one.  Pretty much the cardinal rule on this one, if you can contract an STD, it’s off limits.

Totally Game - Strippers

Not sure there is anything that symbolizes a bachelor party like the stripper.  They come in different shapes, colors, sizes and provide different “services”.   In a place like Vegas, you can likely find a Belgian midget able to perform an upside down lap dance to any KanyeWest song of your choice.  Now the difference between the stripper and the random girl is that strippers do it for the dollar.  So there is a bit more unexplained leeway here – don’t ask, there just is.  General take is that line is drawn at busting a nut outside of your pants.  Now if this can be accomplished in contained fashion, no more appropriate word than “victory”. 

Marginally Acceptable - More Than 10 Lap Dances With The Same Stripper

There are some frisky ones out there liable of getting caught up in the moment( 2nd Pour Some Sugar on Me chorus) and looking for love in all the wrong places.  This is usually about 9-10 lap dances in where you start looking like a knight in armor and that 400 dollars you just blew on way too many Aerosmith songs starts feeling like love.  Just stop.

Over the Line - Going Too Far With A Stripper

Apparently, what most women dread isn’t the physical interaction, it’s that darn emotional exchange.  Well, strippers have no emotions.  Behind those enticing eyes is an ice queen who only sees dollar signs.  This is their livelihood and their opportunity to put a meal on the table for what is likely a couple kids had just before dropping out of high school.   A good stripper can tease a stiffy like a snake charmer a cobra, just enough.   It’s your call if you want to take it out of your pants and risk detonation. 


Totally Game - Brothels

The chicken ranch, whoa nelly, talk about menus.  Brothels have been a part of history for a reason, a paid service with no strings attached.  It’s here where you can find endless options .  If a bubble bath in lime jello with adjoined triplets is your thing, it’s not absurd in the outer Vegas flats.   The right approach here is finding the comedy in the experience without crossing the line.  Have your bubble bath, enjoy the triplets, but remain a spectator, a close spectator.  

Marginally Acceptable - Twister

A little Slip and slide, some Twister, as long as what counts is covered, can work.  

Over the Line - Contracting an STD

Again, follow the STD rule of thumb and realize that while these vixens that seem like so much fun,  they have a “clientele”.  That clientele is mainly made up of regulars named Wilbur who are driving semi-automatic trucks cross country for a living.  

Totally Game - Mind-Altering Drugs

Last but not least, mind-altering  drugs.  Not all of us go in this direction to begin with, but Vegas has a way of putting it out there.   Don’t do anything you haven’t done before.  There is so much stimulation in Vegas, pushing this too far can only lead to really bad things. 

Bottom line, have your fun, make the most of your bachelor party and make it a memorable day with your groomsmen.  Just take precaution against anything that may end up on Facebook and ruin your life.  Keep it Vegas classy.   

You have made the decision to take the long walk down the aisle, but before you do so there is an important task at hand, choosing the destination of your bachelor party. The type of guy the groom is makes a difference in the type of bachelor party you are going to throw, below is a list top 10 bachelor party locations based on what type of guy the groom is.


10) Aspen / Vail - The Skier 

If your group is less about just the straight partying and more about mixing it up between activity and nightlife, central Colorado and a ski trip could be a great call.  Here you have multiple options on resorts and some of the best Apres' skiing you're going to find. 


9) Key West - The Parrothead

If you're looking to go off the beaten path a bit and immersing in a kickback end of the world feel with beaches and fun nightlife, Key West could be your destination.  Cozy up to plenty of low key bars, Hurricane's and street performers for a great time. 



8) Savannah/St. Patty's Day - The Festival Partier

Under the radar, which makes it so phenomenal, Savannah actually hosts the 2nd largest St. Patrick's Day festival in the US.  It's a great vibe and attracts people from all over the world serving as a Mardi Gras light on riverside cobble stone. 


7) Myrtle Beach - The Golfer

Is playing 36 on a different golf course a day and partying at night how your team likes to operate?  Myrtle Beach is a golfers paradise with endless options, warmth and all the necessary needs for bachelor partying at night. 




6) Napa Valley - The Wine Connoisseur

If cruising through amazing vineyards in a rented bus, tasting wine and catching a buzz is your idea of a great time, no need to look further.  Team that up with with a night out in San Fran and a couple great dinners and this becomes a great idea.



5) Miami - The Clubber

If nursing a hangover on amazing beaches during the day and hitting an epic club scene at midnight is your pace, then Miami is your destination.  Make no bones about it, this is about leisure by day, partying in neon by night. 


4) Montreal- Exploring North

A city that just doesn't get enough attention, Montreal is the perfect fusion of North America and Europe in one location.  With a tremendous night life, a casino and a fantastic warm culture, one can't say enough.  If you can get in there during Grand Prix weekend, the buzz in town will be ten fold. 


3) New Orleans - The Down and Dirty Partier

Getting sloshed, seeing girls lift up their shirts and downing bowls of gumbo - does it get better?   New Orleans has a historical charm mixed with partying grit that presents an identity that is unmatchable.  All must experience - whether it be Mardi Gras for those hardcore or Jazz Fest for lighter fare, an amazing destination. 


2) Amsterdam- Going International

If there is a desire here to do something out of the box to make it memorable and go somewhere that most may likely never revisit, then the legendary Amsterdam is ideal.  Take advantage of the red light district and European charm to ensure an awesome trip. 


1) Vegas- The Traditionalist 

Why is Vegas number one?  Because it suits every possible male urge on the planet.  There is nothing you can't find in a city that was made to entertain.  Whether it be gambling, sports, adult entertainment, pools, golf, you name it, Vegas has it.  If you don't want to think too hard about where to go, good ol' LV is calling you.  


Do you agree with this list of bachelor party destinations?  If not, we'd love to hear from you in the comments below.  Also, if you are wondering what type of behavior is acceptable at your bachelor party be sure to check out our Bachelor Party Guide to No Regrets.  


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