The 5 Biggest Differences Between How the Bride and Groom Experience Wedding Planning

The wedding planning hysteria is a blitz of marital details not many men can truly anticipate. Most men often don’t think about what it means until they’re in it. Let’s be real, guys don’t lay in bed as 12-year-old dreaming about what they are going to look like in their rented tux. Almost like a tornado the weather man never saw coming, wedding planning scoops you up, spits you out and leaves you a confused mess barely able to muster a coherent sentence. We like to call it totally matrimonus vertigous. It leaves wallets baron, checking accounts crying, brains straight up pastrami. While the big day itself is eagerly awaited, the legwork that goes into it can often feel like boot camp at Quantico.  

There are fascinating differences as to how the male system process this point in time versus how the females does. For the ladies, the intricacies of wedding planning lend well to their strengths. The frills, the details, picking colors, shopping, yes, SHOPPING.   For the men, who’s attention spans are often not much more than the standard Chihuahua and generally more fiscally aware, it batters at their core, beats at their billfold and makes their gray matter swell. Yes, they acquire full blown matrimonus vertigous. It requires a special kind of Zen to make it through unscathed, one not ordinary Sherpa can channel.   

Yes, the wedding planning experiences are vastly different for men and women. One truly comfortable, the other like a fish out of water, then thrown into an oven while still alive. With that, we have discovered some specific areas of the process that really tickle the genders in all the right and wrong places.   

Pinterest – Oooolala, how the ladies love them some Pinterest. It’s polarization perfection as what is sugar to a lady, is brussel sprouts to a man. To some respects, it’s almost as if this is a Social Medium designed by Athena herself, oozing of lady luxury online. It’s frilly pictures, it’s recipe sharing, it’s likeness to a wonderful online scrap book. To men, it’s like garlic to a vampire, it confuses them, it makes them crave a football game, it makes them want a cat nap. Pinterest is that wedding place where ladies can Pin their dreams together, giggling amongst themselves as they make their wedding vision happen pin by pin. For men, they click around a few times, lost and confused, their minds thwarted into a catatonic state. Yes, Pinterest is the worldwide webs symbol of how the differences in wedding planning are so fast between the genders.For one it is perfectly customized to how their brain cells operate, for the other, it maliciously pokes at each brain cell, pin by pin.      

Ability to Tolerate the Mom’s -  Ah, the Mother In Law, often the perfect accomplice to your morphing bridezilla. Yes, her intent is entirely genuine. She wants to see her little girl have that dream wedding they talked about while walking through the aisle picking up pop tarts.  In this case, the wedding dream becomes as much a part of hers as the future bride. She wants the best for her little girl, but unfortunately that can become something that men fear more than war. The Mom in Law and Son in Law relationship is an interesting dynamic. She is often the gatekeeper to her princess’ happiness, the key to the gate during wedding planning often rusty and bent. This is a time to navigate wisely, pull the right levers, prove your worthiness. One misstep or errant button pushed and you just might see a Soviet missile launched.   

Choosing the Wedding Party  Such a delicate process as it often requires thinking through your entire life span, ensuring you consider all those important to you along the way. That said, there are always some politics one has to weed through to maintain proper balance in the selection process. The end goal is a balanced party, females and males offsetting, and this is often where the trickery lies. New friends, old friends, cousins, sister in laws, the daughter of the boss you are trying to schmooze for a promotion who has no friends. Yes, there are many variables to consider.  The ladies tend to be thoughtful, applying comprehensive recognition to all considerations within their social circumference.  The man, they often focus on who they’ve been drunk with the most. Often, this leads to conversation around how much one end despises the others sibling, pairing that person off with a degenerate on the other side of the party.   Yet when it’s all said and done, it’s all about the darn pictures, they must look amazing.   

Selecting the Appetizers  This decision-making process can easily be called Empress versus the Cave Man. For the ladies, they want those Hors Devours that feel like bow ties and stars, making sure they also fall into the edible spectrum for their great grandmother’s gastro issues.  For the man, he just wants meat. Give him bacon, give him scallops, give him protein and fat. Allow this moment to satisfy
his and his posse’s primal urges in the grandest of fashion. It’s an opportunity for he and his Vikings to drink and slather morsels of fatty flesh on a stage they’ll see seldom going forward, before it’s back to bad wings at Applebee’s. Ideally, the perfect appetizer balance comes together where you avoid great grandma’s diarrhea to flare up, while your meatheads are also satisfied.     

The Bachelor/Bachelorette Party  Between feather boas and phallic drinking bottles, lap dances and jaegar bombs, there is not an event within the wedding planning phase that strikes further separation in style. Both represent the last crazy day of singledom, a celebration of craziness to signal farewell to Tinder. The repercussions of a female event usually just a hangover, the repercussions of a man is anywhere between getting a prostitute pregnant to losing a tooth. It’s an event that often leads to the end of the wedding planning phase and a strong possibility of firing that Tinder account back up.   

There you have it, our view of how one of the most stressful phases in a human’s social lifespan feels to both the man and woman. While it’s clear that the woman is built for success in this tender moment of time, let’s not discredit the man.He who isn’t necessarily the best at planning, details and restraint, but who’s laissez-faire attitude helps keep focus on what actually matters, which is each other.  

The 8 Coolest Caricature Themes, Bar None

In a sea of static groomsmen gifts, it requires something special to stand out. On that night when you have the unique experience to honor your men, you want to get it right.  We’ve recognized an awesome gift that checks off every box of manly gift magic, and it’s the group caricature. The caricature is personal, its unifying, it’s creative, it’s going to pull that streak of brotherhood out in your men, something all of us love to feel. A good caricature artist and a phenomenal theme is something that will sit as a staple in any man cave. A great group caricature is a story to be a told, a center piece to your next house party.  

The theme is key, finding that story that pulls all your guys together, turns your group into a team and builds a weekend wolf pack that all your guys will remember. Sometimes it’s easy, your guys come from a core that brought you together in the first place. In other instances, it may take a bit more creativity. Below is a current list of themes that we’ve found really hit the mark in pumping up your guys. 

Game of Thrones

Groomsmen Gift Group Caricature

It’s a show that’s full of rich characters and is just flat out AWESOME.  It’s captivated men everywhere and every guy is excited to sit on the Iron Throne, hang with a fire breather or put his arm around Tyrion. Bring your guys together to slay Westeros as a unit and squeeze them into the gear of the character that they symbolize best. 


 Whether it started as a kid with underoos or grabbed your buddy through comic books, every guy loves him some super heroes. With the movie frenzy that’s been ripping through Hollywood, they’re as hot as ever. The assortment is so deep, you can have a ton of fun mixing and matching your groomsmen against their best fit – making a conversation that will run through the night. 

Sports Team

Groomsmen Gift Group Caricature

Maybe the most connecting of all the themes, especially if your groomsmen is passionate about one team or one sport.Throw some jerseys or helmets on with an awesome stadium in the background and you've got yourself man-cave gold. 

Golf Course


A past time that most men seem to revel in, it’s that sacred sport that gives us guy time away from it all, in natures landscape. Throw your men in some great golf gear, put them in their truest form as a slicer, hacker or out of control golf cart. Whatever the set up, golf is a theme that brings groomsmen together. 

 Movie Theme


If your groomsmen have a movie that they feel like they once lived, or just love to quote, throwing this unique theme together may be a great idea for your posse. Whether it’s an Old School feel or a Goodfellas vibe, pulling it all into a favorite movie is sure to draw a great laugh and a great wall hanging.   


Groomsmen Gift Group Caricature

Put your guys at a poker table or ripping at the slot machines fully adorned in their stylish Vegas garb and you have caricature magic. Whether it’s in the casinos, at the pool or in the club, if Vegas is the thing your groomsmen love to do, it makes for a rock star, creative theme. 


Groomsmen Gift Group Caricature

For those that do it, it’s a passion like none other.  And man does it have detail specific to the sport. With rifles and camouflage, in a tree stand or with a duck call, hunting is a bonding of brethren like none other. In the same family is fishing, but anything that passionately gets men up in the wee hours to get together is a theme worth exploring. 



New on the scene but drawing a ton of passion, UFC is a cool theme that can really rock the group caricature. Throw all your groomsmen in a cage bloodied together, passed out or in a headlock and you have a theme that is going to be great conversation for a long time. 

Sock it to Em’ With Some Groomsmen Socks

Whether you are on a budget, looking to tack on an extra or just want to do something fun to put a little splash in your groomsmen party’s otherwise standard garb, groomsmen socks have become a massive hit of late. There are few places from head to toe where one can pop a little self-expression while maintaining some element of class outside of the ankles. Let’s face it, for the sake of pictures and satisfying those sweet grandmas in the audience, you have to keep the presentation tight and inside the lines. But those ankles, those precious ankles, they allow you to let loose and put some personalization on your party.

The sock spectrum has widened, it has ranged from superheroes best representing your groomsmen, to a rainbow arsenal of argyles. The options are endless, but you can generally fit them into some general buckets of awesomeness. With the cost minimal when you compare it against all the other wedding nonsensical price tags, it’s often a no brainer not to kick a pair over to your grooviest groomsmen.

Uniform Fun

If your legion of groomsmen are military or former teammates, nothing says comradery like dressing them up in something cool that brings them all together. When the ankles are connected by cool consistency, your posse comes together as one troop. Ladies love a men in uniform, so your groomsmen will bring those warm and fuzzies to the crowd that screams togetherness.


Marvel has really kicked their superhero series into overdrive over the last few years and that has translated to a variety of fun ways adorn. From T-shirts to cuff links, the superhero fad is at its peak, and guys love superheroes. Just like the underoos of yesteryear, we all seem to have a favorite and that one that represents us best. Your group will get a kick out of finding out which villain beater they get matched up with.

Argyle Arsenal

If the suits are neutral, sometimes it’s just a little color that pops some fun on at ankle height. Bring some starburst to those monkey suits by brightening their tootsies up like peacocks and giving each groomsman a personal way to differentiate. They’ll appreciate the thought and enjoy some vibrancy.


Random Splash

Sometimes no order whatsoever is needed. Groomsman socks are a subtle way to self-express. With so many varieties out there today, you can find anything from skulls and crossbones to sharks. Make it random, find some fun and toss your groomsmen some random socks.

Sports Team

When the frenetic fanaticism of your home town team is a glue that bonds your groomsmen, look no further than the team socks. Pop that Yankees insignia on those socks, or any team your groomsmen lust after and talk about and you’ll have a proud posse’ that will be kicking heels together on the dance floor.


Personalized Labels

These might take a little more work, but they can often lead to a lot of fun. Whether it’s who they are to you in the wedding party or a fun little way of way of describing your groomsmen, customizing the socks can be a way to add humor or sentimentalism.

The best part about these tootsie toasters is that they’ll be sitting in that sock draw for years to come and if done well, used with a smile. Gifting your groomsmen with socks, we said it once, we’ll say it again, a no brainer groomsmen gift that every guy will love.


The wedding budget, it is undoubtedly big ticket and an industry immune to the economy. As the wedding bills mount, a guy is often left figuring out what to scrape together for his groomsmen, a piece of the planning often left on back burner. It’s a budget that can dry up quickly and stress out any guy who has a hand in funding his own. If you’re one of the lucky ones, the in laws are going about the traditional route and financing the bash. These days, we see it less and less. 

Hopefully you managed your budget wisely and don’t have to open a new card. Better yet have the kind of backing that lets you go bananas. For many guys, the groomsmen gift juncture is one where they’re looking to be cost conscious, yet really wanting to make their guys feel awesome. It’s hard to put a price tag on honoring your men. Here over 10000 groomsmen gifts order later, here is what we can tell you:


Average spend on a set of groomsmen gifts = $194
Average number of Groomsmen = 5.9
Average spend peak months July/Aug = $204
Average spend off months Dec/Jan = $172

As you might think, off season weddings are often for those that are budget conscious and corresponding spend on groomsmen gift parallels. Conversely, the summer wedding blitz tends to have a heavier overall price tag and guys also spend more.

What we do know is this – honoring your guys is a highly underrated part of the overall event. These should be people that will be with you for life, many times have already been with you for most of your life. Choosing them to be part of your honorary entourage is one way of saying that, blessing them with a sentimental gesture that specific to them is another way to do the same in the kind of moment that doesn’t come along often in the world of bromance. Shop wisely, budget smart, get your guys something that really celebrates them as individuals and what they mean to you.

Discovering the 12 Coolest Groomsmen Gift Ideas of 2016

Groomsmen Gift Comandments

In a sea of sheer stuff on the internet these days, the staff here at Groovy Groomsmen Gifts likes to see ourselves as the Christopher Columbus of webploration.  We have long ago discovered groomsmen gift giving is not a flat world and with our pirate telescopes in hand, we’ve ventured far and wide to seek about what we view as the the most super cool groomsmen gifts ideas in the land.  

We’ve looked big box, we’ve looked boutique shops, no remote island has gone un-scoured for possible treasures.  Ultimately, we’ve kept to our view that the best groomsmen gifts tend to embody two if not more of our 5 Groomsmen Gift Commandments:

  1. They must be unique, but not at the sacrifice of usefulness.  
  2. They must have the ability to draw out the personality of men as individuals.
  3. They must include cool manly materials, such as leather, wood and metal.  
  4. They must be fun to open.
  5. They must have the ability to be personalized.  

With that said, let’s take a look at what we see as our top 12 groomsmen gift ideas for 2016.     

1.  Mancrates

What can we say, these guys master Commandment number 4 and fully knock the ball off the cover on number 3.  Their slant pulls out the testosterone in men, grabbing at their primal selves during the opening process.  At the core of us guys, we are survivalists.  We want to use our primitive self to kill and eat.  While there isn’t much killing with a man crate, there is prying open, hearing wood and nails crackle as natural aggression is used to get to that pack of tasty beef jerky.  The options of crate kill are endless, the consistency is in their amazing packaging.  


2.  Scorzie
Simply genius, pure genius.  Whomever on the scorzie team dreamt up this gallant gizmo should be awarded some level of Dude Nobel Peace Prize.  We sit back and imagine how it happened and we envision something so manly romantic, one might even call it romanlytic.  Likely a quartet of chums in one’s backyard, flipping bean bags into cornholes, all players a couple IPA’s deep.  One then spills his beer into the lush bluegrass, causing panic amongst the brotherhood.  Upon replenishing and resuming the match, they all look at themselves confused and wondering what the hell the score was.   Tis you have it, the magic of the Scorzie, no beer spilled, no score forgotten.  


3.  Golf Club Toppers
This sport, why does it hypnotize us men?  We pound this silly little ball around a giant green plot of land with a club looking for tiny holes to put it in.  It sounds ridiculous.  The reality is that it is AMAZING.  Legend has it, GOLF is simply an acronym for Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden.  So while there is an LPGA tour and you might see a lady or two frolicking around the course, the golf course is a holy natural locker room for us men to find time to be men.  It is a place where we can vent our frustrations to each other via the mental combustion of the slice, suck on cigars and dream of the 19th hole.  There is an art and a code to the sport and within the golf culture, we love to personalize the crap out of everything.  Hence, the golf topper, a groomsmen gift designed to make every club feel like your own personal beating stick.  

4.  Personalized Growler Case
A cottage industry come full circle, the advent of craft beer has evolved to such a level that men are possessed.  Intoxicated by hops and barley, we mission ourselves to find that next delicious IPA or Imperial Stout.  It’s an industry gone wild, and while possibly a bit saturated, it’s not going anywhere.  Bottom line, men have enjoyed drinking since alcohol was discovered and the vast microbrews simply accentuate our love for it.  With that has come a variety of doo dads and cultural items of enhancement in how we take advantage of it.  One is the growler, a majestic carrier of our favorite brews.  And while we have seen many different types of cool growlers out there, we haven’t seen many ways of protecting and keeping our growlers chilled.  Meet the personalized growler carrier.  


5.  Personalized Key Chain Figure
Little cousin to the Bobblehead doll, this key chain figure gives your guy a hysterical way of embellishing in himself within an item that is a constant in his life, his keys.  While we tend to shun over-bulkifying our key chain from that of the standard janitor set, this little treasure makes it worth it.  No longer will he have a hard time spotting his keys at the valet or confusing it with another’s.  Every guy will enjoy revving up his hot rod when he twists that key along with a little version of himself.  

6.  The Really, Really Nice Travel Bag
For those guys in their 20’s getting married, there sits opportunity amongst your demographic as it comes to groomsmen gift giving.  That opportunity is affording that group of pals who don’t want to graduate from their Kappa Sigma mindset to finally become classy gents.  Within that window of helping them along, is a perfect starting point as it comes to groomsmen gifts, the toiletry bag.  For some reason, it’s an item that anoints a man’s belongings to taking it the next level.  It’s a catalyst to grow up a bit, a slight and immensely appreciated suggestion that we are at the next phase of life.  No longer will you be called by your nickname of Bender Ben, but we will call you by your professional name of Benjamin.   If you’re going to give one, you do it right and you do it with a toiletry bag that really gives him something that will make a statement.  It’s something he’ll cherish and use and given the quality, will only get better with age.  

7.  Personalized Pillows
Yeah, these are hysterical.  While a little on the ridiculous side, what groomsman isn’t going to find a giant pillow of his face on his couch as anything but awesome?  They’ll be conversation pieces, something to cheer up on bad days and a fluffy friend to cuddle with when watching a romcom alone.  Who can sap up those embarrassing mushy tears better than your own face?   Assured to grab a laugh on wedding eve, these guys are cheap enough to tandem with another groomsmen gift.   If the basis of you and your pack is debauchery and laughter, then you have found groomsmen gift gold.  


8.  Personalized Noble Painting
Our 2016 winner for straight originality, these guys have struck comedic perfection as it comes to an out of the box groomsman gift.  A man cave mantel piece to the utmost, we are so absolutely stunned by the pure eccentricity that our gift giving brains haven’t fully bent around it.   That in itself is enough to join our tops list.   What man cannot see himself ordained as royalty, taking his regal rights to down ale at oak tables, lead men to battle and cascade through medieval brothels (Our lust for Game of Thrones may have taken that one a little too far).  All said, if you can pony up and your group is a gauntlet of cheery old laugh hards, then what a groomsmen gift!
9.  Personalized Sandals
This summer time stocking stuffer just has a frolicking fun way about it.  If you have a summer beach style wedding t’ed up, then this goody sits as a no brainer as it’s not going to kill your wallet while also leaving whatever beach you’re at muddled with hysterical footprints.  No need to go Hansel & Gretal when tracking anyone down if you have these around, just follow the footprints.  Personally, we think nicknames of some funny significance might be apropos with these flippers.  Team them up with a cool pair of sunglasses and you could have a summer time two pack that makes a splash.  


10.  Personalized Suspenders
Not sure if you fellas have noticed, but there’s a style movement going on out there amongst us men.  That movement is grabbing at the old saying that all cool styles circle back around.  It’s a style that dates back to times when men were of character, dashing and with class, taking what was given them and pruning as a canvas.  It was a day when men wore mustaches, top hats, monocles and bow ties.  It was a day when men accessorized themselves with ample detailed works of fashion.  One amazing representation of that as a gift today is a handsome set of leather suspenders, personalized of course.  Rock these things during any dressy event and your torso will glow and you shed the suit jacket.  Ladies be warned.  


11. The Mighty Bobblehead
Flick it, slap it, watch it bounce, it’s the bobblehead doll.  It’s a part of minor league baseball souvenir lore, it’s a choice trinket across all of sports.  It adorns desks, it sits amongst sporting memorabilia, it makes men happy.  It has a place in our hearts.   But why should it be left at that when there is an opportunity to transcend well beyond?   Just as Doctor Evil had Mini Me, your men can have mini versions of themselves that they look at adoringly.  It will have a spot near his computer monitor, he’ll likely have conversations with it, it will be his sounding board.  This is not just a clay doll with a giant head that looks like you, it is a best friend.  


12. Personalized Tap
We caveat that this gem may only be useful if your guy has a man cave with bar or a kegorator, or at least aspires to in short time.  If so, darn it, this groomsmen gift glows.  A prize that he will grip proudly, give him the sensation of running his own basement pub, a part of his lifelong home pour experience.  Taking site of the beautiful beer craze that has swept men off their drunken feet across the world, a personalized tap is the cherry on the hoppy cake.  

There you have it gentleman.  We have combed the web, we’ve taken some items that fall within the “if it ain’t broken, don’t fix” category, we’ve discovered unfathomable interesting treasures.  Choose wisely, take your time, honor your groomsmen with a gift that shows them you give a $#!+.  These are guys that should be with you for a long time, so should the groomsmen gift you give them on a momentous weekend in your life.  

Groomsmen Gifting: The Pitfalls of Procrastination Nation

The wedding process, it’s an absolute melee of details, options, ideas and opinions.  It’s stressful, it’s chaotic, and it will downright make you pull your hair out, hair which you’re going to need to look amazing for those wedding pictures.  Within this marathon of planning, the two prime stakeholders happen to be composed of entirely different sets of planning DNA – the future bride and the future groom. 

Let’s be honest, most guys aren’t great about details and planning.  Their shopping modus operandi tends to look like this: beeline into a mall in a half sprint, swipe a credit card and to get back to the TV as fast possible.  Shopping to men is like watching football to women where true shopping success to men is often just getting it done and not totally screwing it up.  Ladies are thoughtful, patient, consider the options, all while finding the best price.  They’re just born with amazing shopping genetics.  

Amongst all this madness looms one crucial responsibility for the less planning blessed, the groomsmen gifts.  It usually finds itself on the back end of the overall, when both sides are experiencing planning vertigo.   Combine this handicapped mental state along with the natural tendencies of these lugs we love, and you have(sound the eerie doom music) procrastination.   Here at Groovy Groomsmen Gifts, we see this trend ALLL the time, it is downright real.   Note a request from a recent customer, says Will:

“Please expedite! They must be delivered by Tuesday.  When I placed the order, it estimated delivery by the 19th. I would not have ordered otherwise.  It's critical that they be there on time.  Sorry for the urgency, it's down to the wire now and I can't mess this up.”

 I Dont Always Troll But When I Do I Troll Hard - I don't always procrastinate but when I do my fiancé screams at me

What do we see here?   We see a man rushed, feeling the heat, clearly procrastinating and in a state of fear.  Why?  The age old man story, they waited too long.  While guys don’t have nearly as much to do, they become easily hung over on the details.   In fact, ladies often find so little faith in the gender from Mars, they take it into their own hands – check out this note from Kristi: 

“Thank you for the email...I searched high and low for the card sets and am happy I came across your website.  My first of 6 children is getting married, he and I are learning as we go!  Good thing because my daughter is next up with her wedding November of 2016.  I am hoping to have the sets by Thursday for the rehearsal dinner.  Do you think that is possible?”

 Ma the meatloaf - Ma the groomsmen gifts I need them now

This procrastinating slackers MOTHER is handling it for him.  Let’s take a look at some really interesting stats:

-      40% of the orders placed on Groovy Groomsmen Gifts are needed within 1 month of the wedding

-      10% of orders are needed within 1 week

-      100% of rush orders are stressful for the bride, groom, and Groovy Groomsmen Gifts

 Brian Fantana - 60% of the time  Groovy helps everytime

Groomsmen gifts become a little lost in the windstorm, but make no mistake, they’re a big deal.  Guys spend hundreds of dollars on these things (average order is close to $200) doing their best to let their guys know what they mean to them.  They’re a centerpiece event of wedding eve, a tone setter for a group of important people that are going to be at your side during the big day.   Flowers, all that other stuff, yeah, it’s important, but is it really as important as saying thank you to the people that mean the most to you? 

So how do we help these poor saps get it right?   We can help.  Send us their email and we’ll automate a pop up to ensure they’re reminded in advance, no obligations.  Some of our most appreciative customers are those we were able to hustle for last second for when they were stressing out, QUOTE:

This shouldn’t be stressful.   It’s too important, do it right.  Let us help. 


How to Give the Worst Best Man Speech Ever (And, Ahem, How Not To)

Bring the bride to tears, your best friend to hiccups, and knock every other person’s freaking socks off when you follow these six simple steps for delivering the greatest best man speech, ever:

Step one: Don’t plan ahead so you’re good and nervous. That way, the second your buddy says I do, you can start to pregame like your college’s biggest rival is about to step onto the field. (Translation: Drink your face off.)

Step two: If you’re not staggering as you grab the mic from the DJ, you didn’t do step one right, so grab a shot to gulp on your way up. Once at the front of the room, take a deep breath and remember: this isn’t a tribute. This is a battle. A battle to determine who is the most badass, hilarious, self-absorbed best man ever.

Step three: Make sure you tell the story of that time in Amsterdam, circling the clock tower (or was the clock tower circling you?) on magic mushrooms. Bonus points for describing the various women you cat-called and anything that took place in a bathroom.

Step four: Mention an ex-girlfriend of his. Like the one who wore a cheerleading outfit everywhere, even though she wasn’t a cheerleader (or making an ironic statement - it’s just what she “felt most comfortable” in).

Step five: To make sure your speech is awkwardly long, ramble. Say “I love you man!” more than once. If you lose your train of thought, don’t worry. Fill in the space by yelling, “The bridesmaids mostly look great!”

Step six: Mic drop. It never fails to be a classic way to propose a toast. Now sit back and enjoy the accolades.

You’ve caught on that we’re kidding by now, right? We’re sure you’ve seen this speech before, but that doesn’t mean you should emulate it for your friend’s wedding celebration. This sort of speech is not only avoidable but should indeed be avoided (at all costs even).

All that ribbing, roasting, and debauchery you may really want to mention? Don’t. Really. Even if it sounds funny in your head, and it’s really “you,” remember that this is a formal occasion where dearest friends and family have gathered to celebrate the love between two people, not reminisce about that time the groom dry-heaved himself to tears in the back of that gypsy cab. Instead, giving a speech that is planned, practiced, and well-executed will present you - and hence your friend-groom - as decent, respectable humans to this large group of people who are eager to raise their champagne flutes. Which is way more important on this particular day, trust us.

So how do you actually give the best best man speech? Well, we’ve got a simple six-step guide for how to put together, from start to finish, an awesome best man speech that will have people shaking your hand, clapping your shoulder, and (most importantly) not grimacing while you speak.

1. Give yourself a few weeks - if not a month or two - to write your speech.

Great speeches rarely write themselves on the spot, unless you’re a Toastmasters regular. You’ll want plenty of time to write a first draft, then a second draft, then a third draft (yes, this is normal for good writing).

Do not necessarily use the first thing that comes out of your pen - instead, write something without judgment, let it sit for a day or two, then return to it and work on it again. You’ll have new thoughts and ideas. Repeat this process.

2. Present your friend in a positive light (and don’t embarrass his bride!).  Remember how protective of your now-married pal you felt when he started dating that lovely lady in white? Channel that feeling - the one that made you worry he’d get his heart broken (he didn’t! Winning!), the part of you that deeply cares about your buddy’s health, well-being, and happiness.

When you write from the more emotional side of your friendship, the speech will be heartfelt, sincere, and much more “you.” 

Pro tip: Topics you might want to touch on include reasons your friend will make a good husband (back it up with examples!), why the bride is lucky to be marrying him, and what love means to the couple.

And remember, just because you’re not roasting the guy doesn’t mean this can’t have a bit of humor. Add in a few funny (but mostly innocent) anecdotes here and there to keep the mood light and the audience smiling.

3. As you edit, consider length - and keep it around five minutes.Five minutes, plus or minus two, is the average length of a good best man speech. Going under three minutes can feel a bit abrupt to guests, and going over seven is frankly, well, boring.

Note, however, that if you are extremely nervous about speaking in front of a crowd, or there is some other reason you’re set on keeping things brief, too short is better than too long. Stay within your capabilities to make sure you’re as cool, calm, and collected as possible.

In order to make sure you stay within an acceptable time limit, keep word count in mind. Most people read at around 150 words per minute - which means you want to write a 450-1050 word speech.

4. Ever heard the joke, “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?”The answer is practice, practice, practice. And that’s just what you should do. Here’s how:

  •  About a week before the wedding day, print your speech out, stand up, and read it out loud to yourself. Keep a pen handy - you’ll assuredly find places where you want to change the wording up a bit.
  • Make the changes on your computer, print the speech out again, and read it out loud           the next day - this time to a trusted friend or partner. Make sure you have a pen handy again, and ask for their feedback.  
  • With five days before the wedding, you should have finalized text ready to rock and roll. Print your speech out in the font size and on the paper you plan to use during the wedding. Run through your speech at least once a day.

5. While practicing, pay attention to your body language. There’s a little more to a good speech than just good words. Decent public speakers slow their usual speaking cadence so they can be understood, look up from their page to pan the audience, and don’t fidget.

Keep these thoughts in mind as you practice (and of course, ask a friend for feedback on this, too!).  

6. Do not have more than one drink before you give your speech. Giving a best man speech is like a mullet. It’s business in the front - before the speech - and party in the back - after it’s done. Drink your face off after your speech. If you’re nervous, try taking a few deep breaths, having a sip of water, and stepping into the bathroom for a moment alone. 

But wait, there’s more… see below for a bonus seventh step!

7. Ok, the big question: is it ok to read from a paper or card (or cell phone) when giving a speech? The answer: heck yes.It is so much more important that you feel confident, prepared, and that you get it right (by reading off your prepped and practiced piece of paper) than it is for you to be all President-of-the-United-States memorized. (And, actually, even the commander-in-chief is reading from a dang teleprompter, he’s gotta stay on message too!)

Remember, if you practice beforehand, you won’t be stumbling over the words you’ve prepared, and having them in front of you will simply ensure smooth sailing.Now, go forth, speak of appropriately bromantic things, and give one heck of a best man speech!

Stuck on where to start? Consider this outline: 

I. Introduce yourself, state how you know the groom, and say something nice about the bride.

II. Try to open the audience’s eyes to the groom YOU know - talk about your friendship and what he was like before meeting his bride.

III. Discuss what the groom was like after meeting his bride. How did he change? What was he like in love?  

IV. Wrap up with either advice, or a short discussion of what love can do for people.

V. Toast! Vow Muse is Angie Sommer and Alicia Ostarello, two women who have been helping grooms (and other members of the wedding party!) with wedding writing since 2010.

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