The wedding planning hysteria is a blitz of marital details not many men can truly anticipate. Most men often don’t think about what it means until they’re in it. Let’s be real, guys don’t lay in bed as 12-year-old dreaming about what they are going to look like in their rented tux. Almost like a tornado the weatherman never saw coming, wedding planning scoops you up, spits you out and leaves you a confused mess barely able to muster a coherent sentence. We like to call it totally matrimony vertigo. It leaves wallets baron, checking accounts crying, brains straight up pastrami. While the big day itself is eagerly awaited, the legwork that goes into it can often feel like boot camp at Quantico.
There are fascinating differences as to how the male system process this point in time versus how the females do. For the ladies, the intricacies of wedding planning lend well to their strengths. The frills, the details, picking colors, shopping, yes, SHOPPING. For the men, who’s attention spans are often not much more than the standard Chihuahua and generally more fiscally aware, it batters at their core, beats at their billfold and makes their gray matter swell. Yes, they acquire full-blown matrimony vertigo. It requires a special kind of Zen to make it through unscathed, one, not ordinary Sherpa can channel.
Yes, the wedding planning experiences are vastly different for men and women. One truly comfortable, the other like a fish out of water, then thrown into an oven while still alive. With that, we have discovered some specific areas of the process that really tickle the genders in all the right and wrong places.
Pinterest– Oooolala, how the ladies love them some Pinterest. It’s polarization perfection as what is sugar to a lady, is brussel sprouts to a man. To some respects, it’s almost as if this is a Social Medium designed by Athena herself, oozing of lady luxury online. It’s frilly pictures, it’s recipe sharing, it’s likeness to a wonderful online scrapbook. To men, it’s like garlic to a vampire, it confuses them, it makes them crave a football game, it makes them want a cat nap. Pinterest is that wedding place where ladies can Pin their dreams together, giggling amongst themselves as they make their wedding vision happen pin by pin. For men, they click around a few times, lost and confused, their minds thwarted into a catatonic state. Yes, Pinterest is the worldwide webs symbol of how the differences in wedding planning are so fast between the genders. For one it is perfectly customized to how their brain cells operate, for the other, it maliciously pokes at each brain cell, pin by pin.
Ability to Tolerate the Mom’s - Ah, the Mother In Law, often the perfect accomplice to your morphing bridezilla. Yes, her intent is entirely genuine. She wants to see her little girl have that dream wedding they talked about while walking through the aisle picking up pop tarts. In this case, the wedding dream becomes as much a part of hers as the future bride. She wants the best for her little girl, but unfortunately, that can become something that men fear more than war. The Mom in Law and Son in Law relationship is an interesting dynamic. She is often the gatekeeper to her princess’ happiness, the key to the gate during wedding planning often rusty and bent. This is a time to navigate wisely, pull the right levers, prove your worthiness. One misstep or errant button pushed and you just might see a Soviet missile launched.
Choosing the Wedding Party Such a delicate process as it often requires thinking through your entire lifespan, ensuring you consider all those important to you along the way. That said, there are always some politics one has to weed through to maintain proper balance in the selection process. The end goal is a balanced party, females, and males offsetting, and this is often where the trickery lies. New friends, old friends, cousins, sister in laws, the daughter of the boss you are trying to schmooze for a promotion who has no friends. Yes, there are many variables to consider. The ladies tend to be thoughtful, applying comprehensive recognition to all considerations within their social circumference. The man, they often focus on who they’ve been drunk with the most. Often, this leads to a conversation around how much one end despises the other's sibling, pairing that person off with a degenerate on the other side of the party. Yet when it’s all said and done, it’s all about the darn pictures, they must look amazing.
Selecting the Appetizers This decision-making process can easily be called Empress versus the Cave Man. For the ladies, they want that Hors Devours that feel like bow ties and stars, making sure they also fall into the edible spectrum for their great grandmother’s gastro issues. For the man, he just wants meat. Give him bacon, give him scallops, give him protein and fat. Allow this moment to satisfy his
and his posse’s primal urges in the grandest of fashion. It’s an opportunity for him and his Vikings to drink and slather morsels of fatty flesh on a stage they’ll see seldom going forward before it’s back to bad wings at Applebee’s. Ideally, the perfect appetizer balance comes together where you avoid great grandma’s diarrhea to flare up, while your meatheads are also satisfied.
The Bachelor/Bachelorette Party Between feather boas and phallic drinking bottles, lap dances and jaeger bombs, there is not an event within the wedding planning phase that strikes further separation in style. Both represent the last crazy day of singledom, a celebration of craziness to signal a farewell to Tinder. The repercussions of a female event usually just a hangover, the repercussions of a man is anywhere between getting a prostitute pregnant to losing a tooth. It’s an event that often leads to the end of the wedding planning phase and a strong possibility of firing that Tinder account back up.
There you have it, our view of how one of the most stressful phases in a human’s social lifespan feels to both the man and woman. While it’s clear that the woman is built for success in this tender moment of time, let’s not discredit the man. He who isn’t necessarily the best at planning, details, and restraint, but who’s laissez-faire attitude helps keep the focus on what actually matters, which is each other.
She said yes, so there’s nothing left to worry about, right? Well, that’s not necessarily the case. Just when you thought you could finally take a deep breath and relax for a moment, it’s time to move on to your next job as the groom: coming up with a good way to ask your groomsmen to be in your wedding party. In your head, I‘m sure you’ve already finalized who...