You got down on one knee and she said "Yes!" — so your work is done, right? Well we hate to break it to you, but you've only accomplished the first step in going from fiance to husband and there is a lot more detail to come before the final "I do." But it's her job to plan the wedding, right? I'm not expected to do anything, right? She doesn't want me to help, right? Wrong. Wrong. And, well, wrong. As you've probably heard from the occasional (okay, maybe not so occasional) bridezilla story, wedding planning is super stressful, especially for her, so she could use your help along the way. To make things easier on her and to make planning your wedding the fun thing that it should be, here's how to be a great groom. You'll thank yourself and she'll be thankful too that you are committed to helping out and being present and involved. Plus, you'll have some good fun along the way. So here's how.
1. Offer Help & Discuss Your Duties
Typically the groom takes care of honeymoon plans, wedding and post-wedding transportation, groomsmen and attire for himself and his best guys, but that doesn't mean you have to limit yourself to those things and that you aren't welcome to be involved throughout the whole planning process. Take some stress off of her and offer help and sit down to discuss ways that you'd like to be involved. This will make you feel like it is your day too and will help you both be closer. Remember, the day is about the two of you – not just her and not just you.
2. Be Supportive
As we mentioned before, wedding planning is super stressful. She isn't being crazy, she's isn't being dramatic; there are many details for her to think about, take care of, and plan for and it can be overwhelming. This is where you being supportive comes into play. Show your understanding, offer to help out, and be there to listen.
3. Take Care of Your Groomsmen & Yourself
There is a lot to do before the walk down the aisle, so take responsibility for your guys and yourself during the planning stages and on the day of the wedding. This includes scheduling fittings, picking out attire, putting together guy time, picking awesome groomsmen gifts, choosing your ring, writing your toast, etc. This is a part of the wedding that really is just about you, so make it your responsibility.
4. Play Nice
Sure, she might complain about your mom calling her every day, she might share that she doesn't like your great uncle, and she might get snippy here and there, but remember to play nice and understand where her stress is coming from. Sit down and talk about your concerns, but don't pull out the jerk card; it will only make things worse.
5. Plan the Honeymoon Together
The honeymoon is the time where both of you just get to focus on being newlyweds and having a great time together, so make sure that you are involved in planning the honeymoon with her. It's your honeymoon too, so talk about what you'd like to do, see, or share with her.
6. Attend Vendor Meetings & Be Involved
Wedding planning involves a whole lot of meetings and a whole lot of decision making. Show that you are interested in your day as well by attending meetings with her and sharing your opinions. It will really show that you care and that you are looking forward to your wedding day as much as she is.
7. Register Together
It might seem tedious and the opposite of a good time to browse tons of stores and scan barcodes, but registering for gifts can be a really fun thing to do together. Plus, what isn't to love about presents and new things for your life together? Don't be a Danny downer when it comes to the registry.
8. Show Your Appreciation
Not just to her, but to everyone involved in making your day happen. Stop by to thank you, in-laws, friends, and those that are there to make your day special. These people are those that are there for you and you should let them know that you appreciate their support and love.
9. Don't Forget Romance
The days between the proposal and the wedding day aren't just about choosing flower arrangements and tablecloths — they are about really reveling in being in love with each other and the step you are about to take. Don't let romance go to the wayside during this important time because it will help you be closer and happier, which is what getting married is all about in the first place.
10. Pick Your Battles, Share Your Ideas, & Be Realistic
Fights are going to happen at least a few times when stress levels are high, so practice picking your battles. However, that doesn't mean you should be a pushover when she decides that you will wear a pink tie. This process is the first step is learning how to really work together as a couple and navigate the good times and the bad times. As they say, consider it practice for when the honeymoon wears off. During the wedding planning/engagement phase, practice compromise, sharing your ideas, open communication, and remember to be realistic. The same goes for her. So when she wants to spend lots more on the wedding day, when she doesn't want to have sex on your wedding night after the long and tiresome wedding day, and when times get rough, remember why you guys love each other and that some things don't matter at the end of the day.
Hey, it might seem like a lot and it might seem like the scariest day ever is headed your way, but being a good groom is about respect, support and understanding more than anything else. Keep those three things in mind and you'll conquer this grooming thing with no problem. And remember, there are only great times to come.
Grooms out there, share your wisdom too! What advice do you have for being a great groom and what was your wedding experience like?